‘Should I or shouldn’t I’ is the question I’ve been asking myself all day.  Six weeks ago, I applied for an Arts Council grant, the response arrived in my letterbox yesterday morning and I still haven’t opened the envelope.  I’m being a scardy cat, in my heart of hearts I reckon it’s a rejection.  Hence the reason I don’t want to open it, I want to go to bed dreaming I’ve received the grant.

Why don’t I just open the damn thing and get it over with instead of putting myself through the torture of not knowing? You may ask that question and I actually have a response that makes sense in Sade’s World.  For those who don’t know, this tiny part of the universe does exist.  At this point in time, precisely 01:45 hrs, I’m not able to deal with the rejection that may exist, I want to keep my dream alive for a couple of hours more.  I will go to bed happy in my ignorance and deal with it when I’m feeling emotionally sstronger.

Tomorrow, or shoud I say today – after a bitch ass process – I finally get my books.  I’m not happy with my printer, mainly because he decided to cut corners and go digital.  The end result which he delivered himself last week was not good.  I became a hard nosed businesswoman and refused to accept his offering, although I ended up feeling guilty I had to.  But seriously, there was no way a bookshop – if I was so lucky – would stock what he turned up with.  So I had to grit my teeth, smile nicely and explain calmly why the latest books were below standard.

Luckily for me, he agreed and said he’d put on a new cover for free.  Like I was really going to pay for it.  NOT

Anyways gotta go to bed.  Decided to go swimming in the morning.