The Test in Testimony

The above title is a phrase I’m borrowing.  I heard it this morning from a good friend of mine who called to commiserate my abysmal failure to raise the money I needed to get Sade’s World Short Story Podcasts off to a flying start.

The campaign ended on Saturday with a total balance of £414.00, which after fees from Indiegogo, Paypal and credit card charges, came to a total of £360.43.  I have to admit I was rather disappointed, but most importantly I felt a lot of shame for some strange reason, even though I had nothing to be ashamed of.  But I guess I was feeling very sensitive and very bruised by the whole experience.  So I curled up under my duvet, (I do that a lot when things don’t go my way) I shut the world away and had a pity party all by myself.

However, hunger drove me from my cocoon and as I feasted on leftovers that would be declared a health hazard anywhere else, I reflected on the lessons learned and what I needed to do next.  Lesson number one is the fact that I really, really have to grow a thicker skin and not flinch every time someone unsubscribes to a begging email I’ve sent.  When I look at the stats, I didn’t do too badly with regards to the amount of people who actually opened the email, however the number of people who actually clicked and shared or forwarded the email was less impressive.

Maybe my emails weren’t persuasive enough to sway people to share or donate, I don’t really know.  I’ve included a link to the archives, so I’ll let you decide on the wherefores.  Maybe it has nothing to do with how I’ve crafted the words on the page and it’s just that people are tired of being bombarded with requests for money, no matter how worthy the cause.  What I do know is that despite this huge setback, I’m still moving forward with the project, it’s just going to take a little time to reach my desired destination.

Now that I’ve had my wallowfest, there is an upside to all this and I no longer feel as if I’m swimming against the tide.   As they say, it’s good to talk.  Anyway, the glimmer of hope has come in the form of Ayebia publishing who have offered not only a donation, but also the use of some of their authors work.  So as I sit here writing this I eagerly await a package of 3 books from which I will be choosing a story for the podcasts.  The second ray of sunshine in an otherwise gloomy week came from another author who offered the services of her Church’s recording booth at a reduced rate or for free (if possible), her one and only stipulation is that no stories containing x-rated, blasphemous or explicit content can be recorded on the premises.  Her stipulation is fair enough for me.  So the long and short is that I started the week, wondering how I’m going to climb Mount Everest only to realise, the mountain is just a hill I can overcome with a little bit of ingenuity, persistence and bravery.

As my friend told me this morning, you cannot have a Testimony without the Test, this is only the beginning of what I’m told will be a long arduous journey.  What I hope and pray, is that at the end of it all, I would have in some small way, contributed a positive change in how we see each other.  Lofty aspirations I know, but one has to be the change one wants to see in the world.  So in the soppy words of the late MJ, I’m starting with the woman in the mirror.  And she fine too.  Sorry just had to add that. 🙂